christopherscullion

Vincent

My first airplane ride was to Europe. I went through one of those messenger services where you get to go for free if you carry a package on the plane. I was seventeen then. It was real easy. All I had to do was sleep at the airport for four or five days waiting for a package that needed to be carried to somewhere in Europe. When I got there all I had to do was find some free food and a place to stay and figure out a way back. Why the hell would poor people travel by plane? Why would anyone? It’s such a schlep. A big nasty, schlep. Why would anybody get on a plane unless they were making millions to travel? I really don’t get it. People are stinky and planes are stinky too, they’re filled with disease. They’re so mean at the airport and it’s expensive and dirty, it’s a hassle. A pure hassle and a pure schlep. Who the fuck would fly on a plane in coach? It’s so creepy. A vacation should be sitting in bed eating chips and dips, watching TV, and being massaged and blown by a robot - that’s a vacation. That’s travelling. Schlepping overseas makes no sense, it’s dumb, especially to France, which was the first place I went. How much cheese, tobacco, caffeine, wine and sugar can one filthy, French person shove into their bodies in one day? Not even the filthy polluted air of Paris could cut down the stench off those fermented French assholes.

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